Translation of AT&T’s public memo regarding the Slingbox iPhone app from corporate fuckheadspeak to English
http://www.engadget.com/2009/05/12/atandt-issues-official-statement-on-slingplayers-3g-blackout-for/
Slingbox, which would use large amounts of wireless network capacity, could create congestion and potentially prevent other customers from using the network.
Our network is in no way ready for this kind of usage, but we don’t see that as a reason to upgrade our network.
The application does not run on our 3G wireless network. Applications like this, which redirect a TV signal to a personal computer, are specifically prohibited under our terms of service.
Because video on the Internet is a brand new idea in 2009.
We consider smartphones like the iPhone to be personal computers in that they have the same hardware and software attributes as PCs.
And yet, we aren’t going to treat it like a personal computer. Haha, fuck you, customer.
That said, we don’t restrict users from going to a Web site that lets them view videos.
Wait, what? We don’t restrict this yet? Shit. Somebody get Marvin on the phone, we need to clean this mess up ASAP.
But what our terms and conditions prohibit is the transferring, or slinging, of a TV signal to their personal computer or smartphone.
This is, like, way, totally different from streaming video on a web site. Totally different. I mean, TV signals, maaaan.
The Slingbox application for the iPhone runs on WiFi. That’s good news for AT&T’s iPhone 3G customers, who get free WiFi access at our 20,000 owned and operated hot spots in the U.S., including Starbucks, McDonalds, Barnes & Noble, hotels, and airports.
No one on earth uses AT&T owned and operated hotspots and we don’t understand why. Also, we look forward to Apple moving on to a better cellular carrier as soon as the five year exclusivity contract runs out.
AT&T is the industry leader in WiFi.
Kiss our asses.
